i was just reading a short interview i enjoyed very much
and therefore highly recommend to read
www.npr.org/2018/12/14/676694693/salt-fat-acid-heat-star-samin-nosrat-wants-to-burn-it-all-down
i haven't watched the show yet
i paused my netflix account because newmom
but i would love to
buy her book with my first payment from the coaching
www.npr.org/books/titles/530274313/salt-fat-acid-heat-mastering-the-elements-of-good-cooking
use the link to buy it!
and therefore highly recommend to read
www.npr.org/2018/12/14/676694693/salt-fat-acid-heat-star-samin-nosrat-wants-to-burn-it-all-down
i haven't watched the show yet
i paused my netflix account because newmom
but i would love to
buy her book with my first payment from the coaching
www.npr.org/books/titles/530274313/salt-fat-acid-heat-mastering-the-elements-of-good-cooking
use the link to buy it!
anyway
i read the article and while reading it
i could feel the answer to a question
coming up
... from my stomach making its way through my heart...
... waiting there to settle down...
... into my brain:
it is all about needbased driven change
i am always wondering why
my wish to be a better ally and
my actions to live love in action
beyond educating myself and being an ally online
are not so often aligned
now i understand it better
because it wasn't authentic
i am white
as much as i listen to stories
as much as i am open to learn
i will never understand experiences POC make
on a deep level
i can understand with my brain
i can feel empathy in my stomach and heart
but i will never be able to feel the dimensions
therefore,
i do not feel the urgent need to open doors for people
that being held back from opportunities because of racism
not yet so far
i literally looked into career paths because
i thought it is my responsibility
to achieve a powerful position to open doors
and share privileges i have
without ever asking myself
if the motor driving me
is embedded in my guts
if it really comes from within
luckily
i trained myself to ask me
from time to time
if i like what i am doing
so that i could change
for more authentic paths
because
the responsibility came from a place of guilt and shame
and so it didn't last long
not much - really - came out of it
so thanks to a long process and Samin Nosrat
and her edited words
why did they edit it anyway?
but, hey, thanks to the editor if it was according to Samin Nosrat
i understand it now better
i am happy for all white allies
that are able to do good out of guilt and shame
- even if i think the intention of an action is also important -
...because we need more white people
not only becoming decent human beings
but to open doors that shouldn't' be closed in the first place...
so it is okay for a while
it is just not working for me
as much as i wanted it to be my thing
so what am i going to do?
i am allowing myself to just live my life
unauthentic actions always finding its way back to me
i can't build something on it
i mean
i have this deep grassroot need
to become more aware
about my personal racist structures
that's good
but i always wanted more
now
i can spend aaaaall that energy
in searching something
to do actions
to open doors
...
now I can use that energy
to transform more
my awareness into daily life actions
and who knows
what God
always, please, feel free to add the word that suits best for you
has in petto for me
afterwards
?
but maybe not
i need to let go of it
now
this guilt stuff
always lead me in the wrong direction
i don't want that anymore
it makes every breath,
every interaction
and everything
more heavy
i read the article and while reading it
i could feel the answer to a question
coming up
... from my stomach making its way through my heart...
... waiting there to settle down...
... into my brain:
it is all about needbased driven change
i am always wondering why
my wish to be a better ally and
my actions to live love in action
beyond educating myself and being an ally online
are not so often aligned
now i understand it better
because it wasn't authentic
i am white
as much as i listen to stories
as much as i am open to learn
i will never understand experiences POC make
on a deep level
i can understand with my brain
i can feel empathy in my stomach and heart
but i will never be able to feel the dimensions
therefore,
i do not feel the urgent need to open doors for people
that being held back from opportunities because of racism
not yet so far
i literally looked into career paths because
i thought it is my responsibility
to achieve a powerful position to open doors
and share privileges i have
without ever asking myself
if the motor driving me
is embedded in my guts
if it really comes from within
luckily
i trained myself to ask me
from time to time
if i like what i am doing
so that i could change
for more authentic paths
because
the responsibility came from a place of guilt and shame
and so it didn't last long
not much - really - came out of it
so thanks to a long process and Samin Nosrat
and her edited words
why did they edit it anyway?
but, hey, thanks to the editor if it was according to Samin Nosrat
i understand it now better
i am happy for all white allies
that are able to do good out of guilt and shame
- even if i think the intention of an action is also important -
...because we need more white people
not only becoming decent human beings
but to open doors that shouldn't' be closed in the first place...
so it is okay for a while
it is just not working for me
as much as i wanted it to be my thing
so what am i going to do?
i am allowing myself to just live my life
unauthentic actions always finding its way back to me
i can't build something on it
i mean
i have this deep grassroot need
to become more aware
about my personal racist structures
that's good
but i always wanted more
now
i can spend aaaaall that energy
in searching something
to do actions
to open doors
...
now I can use that energy
to transform more
my awareness into daily life actions
and who knows
what God
always, please, feel free to add the word that suits best for you
has in petto for me
afterwards
?
but maybe not
i need to let go of it
now
this guilt stuff
always lead me in the wrong direction
i don't want that anymore
it makes every breath,
every interaction
and everything
more heavy