well, I'm still in Hamburg.
however, today I decided not to meet my lovely and daring friend to hear her story and to spend some precious friend time. I'm feeling anxious and the urgent need to dance. dancing is like healing. it helps me very much.
i always believe that it is also a very holy thing.
very often, it is my way of connecting with God
on the other hand, I'm deeply sorry because I also miss her very much.
but as one of my very favourite people in the world she allows me to be how and who I am. I cannot say with words how much I appreciate that. how blessed I am with friends who just love me and never judge.
but also, I'm concerned that am not able to connect with a person that is so close to my heart, today.
I have that sometimes, the inability to connect with the ones I love most.
it is some kind of different with someone I have sex with.
I think I'm just better in speaking with my body.
and sometimes am better with feelings than with expressions.
but I'm learning and growing.
maybe, it was always like that
maybe, I just started to allow myself to be more honest about this side of mine, which I don't like very much.
i would love to be more reliable because it can also be a sign of respect for another person.
for example, when someone else sees reliability as form of respect and logically expect it.
then, it magical becomes disrespect to be unreliable. it doesn't matter if I think it is not.
at least, it has something to do with priorities. in this moment, I'm not making the other person a priority.
and am very sad about the moments in my life when I'm unable to make another person I deeply love a priority in my life.
there's definitely a lack.
however, I'm ready to learn, to grow and to make it better
however, today I decided not to meet my lovely and daring friend to hear her story and to spend some precious friend time. I'm feeling anxious and the urgent need to dance. dancing is like healing. it helps me very much.
i always believe that it is also a very holy thing.
very often, it is my way of connecting with God
on the other hand, I'm deeply sorry because I also miss her very much.
but as one of my very favourite people in the world she allows me to be how and who I am. I cannot say with words how much I appreciate that. how blessed I am with friends who just love me and never judge.
but also, I'm concerned that am not able to connect with a person that is so close to my heart, today.
I have that sometimes, the inability to connect with the ones I love most.
it is some kind of different with someone I have sex with.
I think I'm just better in speaking with my body.
and sometimes am better with feelings than with expressions.
but I'm learning and growing.
maybe, it was always like that
maybe, I just started to allow myself to be more honest about this side of mine, which I don't like very much.
i would love to be more reliable because it can also be a sign of respect for another person.
for example, when someone else sees reliability as form of respect and logically expect it.
then, it magical becomes disrespect to be unreliable. it doesn't matter if I think it is not.
at least, it has something to do with priorities. in this moment, I'm not making the other person a priority.
and am very sad about the moments in my life when I'm unable to make another person I deeply love a priority in my life.
there's definitely a lack.
however, I'm ready to learn, to grow and to make it better